Every Breath

Lately, with the events of Robbie's birth and Gammy's passing I have thought about how every breath is a gift.

When I was in labor with Robbie and suddenly saw the door burst open by nurses and doctors I became well aware that Robbie's life was in danger. Seeing the monitors show a huge plummet in his heart rate made my own heart emotionally drop. During this first occurrence it hardly seemed real. I did exactly what the doctors and nurses told me to do - change positions,use an oxygen mask,etc. When Robbie's heart rate plummeted three more times, I held strong to what I had - faith and hope. I realized that this was far beyond my control and I must depend on a much higher source, the source or Life.

I took deep breaths and listened to Elder Uchdorf's talk about hope in my mind. No, I didn't have the talk memorized, but I could hear his calming voice and the story he recounted about escaping the war zone in Germany. His mother had to leave a train to obtain food for her children and when she came back the train was gone along with her children. She did not give up hope and finally with great endeavor she found the missing train.

The third dip in Robbie's heart rate became a turning point for Josh and me. We evaluated the situation. I honestly didn't know what to do and prayed for an answer. The only thing that came to my mind was "Caitie, Caitie".
Josh called Caitie and she and Jeff came to the rescue. Prior to their arrival Robbie's heart took a fourth dip. I prayed earnestly that I would not have to have an emergency C-section, but if that would save Robbie's life, I would do it in a hearteat (no pun intended).

The nurse came in and Josh asked some questions. We learned that I had been 2 minutes away from an emergency C-section. I continued to hope. During all of this Josh would read e-mails from family and friends. This was of great strength to me and bolstered me during the difficult moments.

Everything turned around when Caitie came and did energy work. The nurse said this was the best she had ever seen the baby do all day. I actually even rested a little during the labor and felt a peace come over me. I focused on taking deep breaths and being in the moment.

Delivery was imminent. Seeing Robbie take his first gasps of air and hearing his dear cry was beyond description. Relief encompassed me. I could not give greater thanks for the prayers that aided Robbie's safe arrival.

A week and a half later, Josh's Grandmother, known as Gammy, took her last breath. Since then I reflected again and again on the precious gift of life and how I have so easily gotten distracted from its true meaning. Cristie (Josh's mom) reminded me of a great quote:

C.S. Lewis on Man's Godly Potential

"It is a serious thing," says Lewis, "to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no 'ordinary' people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations -- these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit -- immortal horrors or everlasting splendours. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously -- no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be a real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner -- no mere tolerance or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment."

--C. S. Lewis, From The Weight of Glory. C.S. Lewis on Man's Godly Potential

Gammy may have not been known by great kings and rulers of the world, yet her influence is infinite. Her legacy has been passed on for three generations and it will continue to expand into the eternities. How remarkable.

Our very Being holds infinite potential. Just think how wonderful this world would be if we could help each other unlock the greatness from within.

Every breath is a gift.