Joy in the Journey

Oh My Little One

2012-01-10T22:19:00.001-08:00

How is it when I look into your eyes
I see the whole world at its finest?
the worries of worldliness drip away
I feel renewed

How is it during your times of struggle,
I become my greatest self,
My weaknesses become strong

How is it that even when challenges await you,
your sweet simplicity and pure love shines through
and your teaching becomes far greater than what I could ever teach you

How is it when I touch your tiny fingers
that tenderness fills my entire being
and suddenly I know what matters most

How is it, though so small and perhaps insignificant to the world,
you reach a person's heart and help them see their very essence

How is it that my greatest trial, has become my greatest joy!

Robbie's hand surgery

2011-10-19T09:02:00.000-07:00

Today Robbie is having surgery on his right hand.
He was born with syndactyly on his 2nd and 3rd digits.
The surgery entails separating the two fingers and grafting some skin from the right part of his hand.

It is about a two hour surgery.

We were also able to get Robbie's ENT doctor to look at his ears and insert tubes, if needed. This was not in the original plan, but I decided to ask and it worked out. (Tender mercies)

******************************************************************************************************************************************************************

10:35AM
We just got word that the surgery is complete and went well. Dr. Hutchinson was very optimistic. Now we are just waiting to see him.

Swinging

2011-08-13T22:39:00.000-07:00

Superpowers

2011-05-31T10:01:00.000-07:00

For Every Action There is a Reaction: Newton’s Law

This is what my seven year old told me today and here is how it unfolded.

This weekend we went and visited Steve and Alina for Memorial Day vacation. Steve just published a book called Your Superpowers. It is aimed toward the youth to reveal the great powers that already exist within themselves and how to unleash them.

Steve read the first chapter with my children and I am amazed how my oldest son, Adam, has taken it to heart. Just knowing these principles has changed his behavior.

For example, this morning Adam needed to wake up at 6:00 in order to get ready for his cello lesson at 6:45am. He was tired because we had driven home from Idaho last night. Instead of complaining and continuing to sleep in, he got right out of bed, got dressed and did all the things he needed to do before it was time to leave. I did not have to remind him. (Wow!) Since he had been so efficient of accomplishing his morning tasks he had some extra time. Happily, he hopped into my bed, snuggled next to his baby brother, and rested until everyone else was ready. It was awesome! No reminders. No nagging! It all happened because he was using his first superpower . . . his brain.

Well the use of that super power brain continued to manifest its power as he had his cello lesson.

His teacher would ask, “What do you think appassionato means? “
Instead of giving up because he didn’t know or just blurting out the first thing that came to mind Adam stopped and studied the word on the page. “Passionate,” he said.

This continued time and again as the lesson progressed. It was amazing! Questions like “What is the key of this piece” and “How many Suites did Bach write for his Unaccompanied Cello Suites?” became only a matter of thought. It was not until halfway through the lesson that I realized what was happening. Adam was tapping into the superpower he had read about with Uncle Steve.

After the lesson I told Adam that I could see his superpowers coming out! He was kind of surprised.

“What do you mean?” he responded with some excitement in his voice. I then related everything I had noticed that morning. Then a discussion unfolded about the power of choice. It was one of the best conversations I have ever had with my seven and six year old.

These are the principles that came to mind as we discussed on the car ride to school:

1. For every action there is a reaction:
There is no emotional tie to this. It just simply is. It is a law that exists. (Thanks Newton) So if you are frustrated with something, instead of getting all emotional about it, look at it from the law perspective.
I began to relate this law to my own thinking.

Example: My house is messy because it is the affect of any or all of the following
a) It is not well organized b)Things are not picked up.

How easy is that? Instead of focusing on the fear that I do not have enough time to clean my house or that I have several young children and it is difficult to keep up, I realize that is simply a cause and effect. I have the choice to either fix it or let it be.

Wow! This is such a freeing way to look at everything in my life.

2. We are Free to Choose:
In the scriptures we learn that we can “cheer up our hearts” because we are free to choose. What a glorious thing. We get to use our first superpower, our brain, to bring this joy into our lives (and others). Choice is powerful, so powerful that there was an entire war in heaven about it.

The Adversary wants to diminish our superpowers, so we cannot use them. Taking away choice, takes away our superpower. Taking away our superpowers takes away our ability to become greater and more like God. No wonder the Adversary wanted to take away choice, so he would have supremacy over us, not letting us realize and exercise the great powers that are god- given.

We talked about addictions that can take away our superpowers such as drugs, pornography and even computer games. (Can you believe talking to your six and seven year old about these things in such a natural way?) My children added their comments as they made connections to these truths.

“That is why we can only play one hour of computer games a day.” Adam commented, making the connection of why we have such rules.

We talked about that even having an obsession of good things can throw us off course. We need balance in our lives. “Some work and some play” Adam piped in.

We reached the school. I watched as Adam grasped some change from our car in his hand. The money was going to be used for the school fundraiser, helping to buy books and supplies for a sister school in Africa. What a great experience this car ride had provided. (It had been the “vehicle” to discuss superpowers.)

Adam hopped out of the car and headed toward the school. He walked a little taller that day, knowing that great powers lie within.

Crawl Baby, Crawl!

2011-04-10T21:31:00.000-07:00

Oh, everything I learned I learned in Kindergarten

2011-03-11T07:44:00.000-08:00

Chattering feet
a smile and hello
we take a seat
Parents sitting with their Kindergartners
the walking report card begins

My son smiles up at me
amazed that it is only the threesome - Mom Dad and him
(not the usual pack of noise and scurry that flurries the house)
no pressure, no have to's just simply us

I watch as he writes his name, excitement flashing in every stroke
"Look at me, Mom" his face tells it all
"Come into my world of wonder and simplicity"
Ah, the life of a Kindergartner!
counting skittles, creating patterns, showing off artwork with pride

The piano chord sounds, the program begins
Oh how I love that toothless grin
Songs , smiles, dancing too
The chicken dance like you have never seen
And now their final song . . .

Oh everything I learned I learned in Kindergarten
in Kindergarten in Kindergarten
Oh everything I learned I learned in Kindergarten
To last my whole life through

Hold hands and stick together
Share everything play fair
Put your things back where you found them
clean your mess when you are through
Say you're sorry and live the golden rule

Oh everything I learned I learned in Kindergarten
in Kindergarten in Kindergarten
Oh everything I learned I learned in Kindergarten
To last my whole life through

Some art a little music
the numbers and the letters from A to Z
Make good choices do your best work
Discover your own world
Share a smile and be the best that you can be

Oh everything I learned I learned in Kindergarten
in Kindergarten in Kindergarten
Oh everything I learned I learned in Kindergarten
To last my whole life through

Hello, Neighbor!

2011-02-28T12:09:00.000-08:00

There is nothing like seeing the ambulance pull up to your neighbor's home that gets you thinking about life in a real way. Suddenly all of the practicing, cleaning, and disciplining seems to fade and the serving and loving, and spending time with people is magnified.

There were times I should have said "Hello, Neighbor" and I didn't because of silly reasons such as,"they look busy," "maybe they don't want to be bothered," "I am running late." I look back and think those reasons are not reasons at all, they aren't even poor excuses.

About a week an a half ago I woke up to a very clear thought. It was 4am in the morning and all I could think about was having my aunt and uncle go visit these dear neighbors who they had known for much of their life. I could not sleep because the thought was so pressing. Finally I was determined to make this happen, no matter what the "but's and if's and how's that seemed to creep in; it would just have to be done. So one week ago these two dear friends embraced with tear-filled eyes and they reminisced a bit about life.

What if I had not acted and just continued to make up "logical" excuses of why this would be difficult? What if I continued to put it off and thought that it would be easier for all parties to do this when the weather warmed up? It has been exactly one week from that precious reunion and today that dear neighbor was transported to the hospital in an ambulance.

There is definitely a Master Orchestrator at work. I just hope that I will hear the great masterpiece even when the dynamic is piano. Otherwise, I am missing a great deal of beauty in the work of life.

So next time you see your neighbor make sure you say, "Hello, Neighbor."

MRI

2011-02-06T22:11:00.000-08:00

Written Friday February 4, 2011

Over to Foothill and through the cold to Primary Children’s we go. The van knows the way and carries my babe for another anesthesia day.

Yes, we are back. We are becoming wonderful clients for PCMC.
Today we are going to get an MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging). That is just a fancy x-ray with less radiation. The ENT would like some pictures of the brain and the throat to see what the next step should be to help the severe sleep apnea.

Details: (you can skip to the summary if you want)

On October 19th, 2010 Robbie had Tonsillectomy and Adenoidectomy. This improved his sleep quite a bit, but the doctor is not quite satisfied with the result. Prior to the T and A Robbie would stop breathing every 2 minutes, now it is every three minutes. So there is improvement (yeah) but more needs to be done.

Schedule:
2:20AM wake and nurse Robbie
5:55 Wake and get ready for my daughter’s violin lesson
6:40 Violin Lesson
7:00 Grandma and Grandpa arrive (thanks so much!) Josh takes Robbie to PCMC
7:15 Violin Lesson finishes
7:30 Arrive home, grab a bite to eat and head out to PCMC
7:50 Arrive at PCMC and meet Josh in the same day surgery waiting room
8:30 Nurse checks vital signs, we meet with the Anesthesiologist
9:15 Heard the word that there is a “mix-up" in the MRI room and there will be an additional hour wait. (Good thing hi is such a patient baby.)
10:00 Pick up a doughnut, muffin, and apple juice at the snack cart
10:25 Our Anesthesiologist takes us to floor 1 and prepares for the mask

10:30 I introduce the mask to Robbie. It has a strawberry scent. I lay Robbie down, the mask is put on his face. At first he feels a little scared so I stroke his tummy to let him feel calm. My heart goes out to him. Sometimes I wish I could just take it all away. That he wouldn’t have to have all of these “procedures”. That he could just be himself without all the doctors and shots and masks and test results, but then I remind myself that it is through all of this that his life will be improved as a whole.
Robbie falls asleep. “All right, Mom." The anesthesiologist says, "Now is the time to give him a kiss and say goodbye.” “Oh", I thought in a bit of sadness. I kissed his little chest, since his face had a mask. His skin was warm. I said a prayer in my heart. This prayer was not with words. It is the kind of prayer that is with energy, the energy of my heart. – a prayer of plea, for my baby’s life and being - a prayer of thanks - that there is greater good, much greater than myself - that there is a greater purpose that exceeds my understanding, that there is greater love, a love so pure and so real, that no earthly thing could diminish.

I look back to see my son, asleep on the hospital bed. I walked out of the room trying to leave my worries behind, and also breathing a sigh of relief that I have done all that I can do. Now I must put my faith in the doctors’ hands, that Robbie will be safe and that the pictures will give us information that will make this experience worthwhile.

11:00 Josh and I headed for brunch. I went in to check out the menu and ran into a friend from school. She was holding her little baby. I noticed the feeding tube immediately and images of those times flashed before me.
11:05 Robbie is finished
He was crying when I walked in to see him, but when I picked him up he snuggled into me and felt safe again. I am glad to be to this point.

Progress is being made:After being on oxygen almost all of his life Robbie now gets to be off oxygen during the day!!!!!!!!!! It is the most wonderful thing to be able to carry your baby without being hooked to a gigantic green metal thing on the other end of the tube. Every time I pick him up I rejoice in not having to untangle the tube and not having to fix the nasal canula (sp?) every two minutes. The other great news is that his cheeks are now healing. I love to look into his face and see him without tubes. His blue eyes sparkle back at mine as if to say, “Yeah! No canula, Mom.”
We have now transitioned to the C-PAP (Continuous Positive Air Pressure). It is quite an interesting blue contraption, that Robbie gets to wear at night, but it does help him sleep better. It just looks like we are preparing our 13 month old for scuba diving each night. He has been quite tolerant of the whole thing, more tolerant than I ever expected. It doesn’t mean he likes the mask, but he seems to trust us enough to be okay with it.

SUMMARY:• Today Robbie gets an MRI to take pictures of the brain and throat for sleep apnea purposes
• No more oxygen during the day
• C-PAP now at night
• Working on getting to hands and knees
• Says “Dadda” all the time, and comes up with some great sound effects with the tongue that keep us laughing at the dinner table.
• Dances to music and has become a regular attendee for all of the kids’ practicing
• Currently still nurses, but is doing well with solids, no more tongue thrust
• He is a joy. Not a day goes by that he doesn’t make someone laugh or smile

Gifts

2010-11-29T20:03:00.000-08:00

Smiles, giggles
laughter, wiggles
You give me these gifts each day
Hugs, kisses
bedtime wishes
You help me choose a selfless way
Notes on my pillow, projects for mom
late night talks, and an early alarm
You help me see things in a new light
I know time is passing, But as for now
I will savor this moment to tuck you in tonight

Rainy outside/sunny inside

2010-11-09T20:29:00.000-08:00

I couldn't help but bask in the sunlight of my children's joy as they built forts yesterday. These were the high tech forts made of carefully chosen blankets and chairs. They would squeal with delight as they created their great masterpiece. They especially loved including there baby brother in all of this. I looked outside only to see sheets of rain coming down outside and thought to myself, "Despite the rainy forecast, it is still sunny in here." Life is beautiful!

A Moment to Cherish

2010-11-07T20:14:00.000-08:00

My oldest son gave his book 4 cello recital yesterday. There are times as a mother that you hope you are doing your best, that somehow, somewhere your efforts are magnified for you children's benefit. And then you have those rare moments, like I felt yesterday, that the work is manifested and peace distills. It is not necessarily that the recital was flawless, but rather the development of the child is apparent. When the face of the child shines with determination and a realization that his work has paid off and that he has reached greater heights, that is a moment to cherish.

Milestones

2010-11-01T09:25:00.000-07:00

Today Robbie sat up all be himself for ten minutes during his therapy. This is definitely his record. I am so glad he is sitting up on his own. We have been working on this goal since July. Go Robbie! Now we are just trying to get his little knees tucked in, since he is famous for his little frog legs. My assignment is to sew his pants to his knees so his little legs can tuck into his center a bit more.

His therapist said that he is highly motivated and a rhythmic baby. It is wonderful to see this progress after so many medical issues. I feel inspired to watch him struggle and try again and again. We must never give up.

Tonsillectomy

2010-10-20T07:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we went to Primary Children's for Robbie's 2nd surgery. Luckily, it was very minor compared to open heart surgery. Robbie had a tonsillectomy. Due to Robbie's severe sleep apnea, he had his tonsils and adenoids removed. Hopefully this will help the obstruction while he sleeps. The surgery went well. Ear tubes were also inserted because there was fluid in his ears.

We stayed at the hospital last night just to control his pain and make sure there were no other risks especially with his airway.

I look around and see other parents going through some very challenging things. I realize that we are all in this together. My heart goes out to others who are filled with great challenges and I find strength that there is purpose to all of this and we are made stronger.

I just got the okay that we get to go home today. "There's no place like home."

Happily Ever After

2010-10-18T19:30:00.000-07:00

Dirty diapers, dishes, laundry
You are my Happily Ever after
Practicing, meetings, late night projects
You are my Happily Ever After
Surgery, throw-up, baby crying in the night
You are my Happily Ever After
Dirty house, screaming children, more work to be done
You are my Happily ever after
Sticky floor, a leaky sink, a race against time that can’t be beat
You are my Happily Ever After
House payments, rehearsals, pancakes (again?!)
You are my Happily Ever After
Because even though I didn’t know I was signing up for all of this
You are my Happily Ever After
How could this be you ask yourself?
No glass slipper, red rose, or magic spell
The real secret I must tell is that
I get to do it all with you, my Prince
Now that is Happily Ever After

My Kaleidescope

2010-07-11T21:37:00.000-07:00

As I look into the kaleidoscope of my life, I see the many colors of love, laughter, joy, pain, confusion, peace, illness, health all mixed to create something worth studying. As I examine the plethora of colors and shapes, the shapes and colors that stand out are the times that have been most challenging for me. It is those difficult experiences that have brought greater depth and beauty to my life. And to think initially I have shunned these experiences away, not realizing the richness it would bring. The amazing thing is, these accents of difficulty have a powerful way of making all the other shapes and colors come alive.

Now I can't say that I have reached the point to be shouting for joy when a challenge comes along, but what I can say is that it is worth it and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Home

2010-06-25T19:13:00.000-07:00

Wow! Josh and I were amazed to find out that Robbie got to go home from the hospital on Wednesday. We thought if we were lucky we would be home in a week, not five days. This is just a little reminder of all the prayers that have been made from all the corners of the world, from the smallest child to great aunts and uncles. It is extraordinary.

Looking Up: From PICU to CSU

2010-06-21T08:42:00.000-07:00

Things are looking up. Yesterday, we moved from the PICU to the CSU (Children's Surgical Unit.) We have been treated so well since we have gotten here. The main difference between these areas is the ratio of nurse to patient. In the PICU it is a 1:1 ratio. There is always a nurse at the bedside. Now our nurse has 4-6 patients and they come and go as needed. It is kind of nice to have a little more peace and quiet. Prior to our move, there was a patient that had just been life flighted. You can imagine how the intensity level grew. It was like bees buzzing furiously next door. Lets just say the PICU is certainly the happening place. Now we have a room that is larger, more private, and includes our own bathroom. Robbie seems more comfortable here and even gave his first smile today.

This morning we heard some great news. Robbie may be going home tomorrow!! My jaw about dropped to the floor when I heard this. We expected to be here at least until Friday. As you can see Robbie is recovering very quickly. He will be on oxygen and a feeding tube when we go home,(nothing new to us) but hopefully as his heart gets stronger we will be able to wean him off both of them.

Today Robbie had some visitors. Cristie got to see Robbie for the first time since she arrived into Salt Lake. Some friends of Josh's from BYU Management Society also came to visit Robbie and then took us to lunch in the cafeteria. It was so nice. We are receiving so much support. Well, there 's the update.

Power for good: PICU

2010-06-20T21:57:00.000-07:00

Josh and I are here in the PICU with Robbie. He is doing well. Right now he is watching a little fish light toy that sings Canon D. :)

Today his central line came out. Taking out the lines was not a very pleasant experience, but the good news is I get to hold Robbie now. As I took Robbie in my arms for the first time, tears filled my eyes; I felt this overwhelming sweep of gratitude, love and thanks for this beautiful boy. I told Robbie that many people are cheering for him. There has been a great power for good even during these challenging times. It is incredible.

A New Day: Day 2 in the PICU

2010-06-19T18:17:00.000-07:00

Robbie is doing great. This morning around 9:00 he was extubated. This means that the breathing tube was taken out of his chest and he does not need the ventilator, only oxygen. I love seeing his little cheeks again.

This afternoon, Robbie even took 45 CC's of water from a bottle! The nurse was very surprised and said we could try milk next. Sure enough he chugged it down like a champ! His medication doses have also been reduced significantly. (yeah)

I feel like more than ever we are being watched over. Sometimes I feel like my Grandma Ensign (who past away almost 10 years ago) is so close that I have to look up to see if she is there.

Josh and I are overwhelmed with the help and love our family has received. We feel like your prayers have carried us many miles during this journey. Our burdens have surely been lightened. Thank you!

Robbie's surgery: Post 4 - PICU

2010-06-18T20:51:00.000-07:00

Well, we made it to the PICU. It has been so nice to be by his beside - or crib side in this case. He is still pretty sedated.

Josh and I have had a crash coarse on post-surgery procedures here in the PICU. It is fascinating how so many machines and computers are working to monitor every little thing. The main thing right now is to keep his blood pressure from being too high. One of the reasons this is important is to ensure no unwanted pressure on his delicate heart. For all those Doctors and non doctors out there, his medicines include Nitroprusside for his blood pressure and fentynal to help him relax and help his pain.

Anyway, we are doing well. We'll keep you posted.

To our children: We love you and miss you. Good Job at Suzuki Camp, today! I heard the cello concert was wonderful.
What a big day! Goodnight to all.

Robbie's surgery: Post 3

2010-06-18T13:07:00.000-07:00

Every hour we got a status on how Robbie was doing:

9:15 incision was made
10:00 confirmed that Robbie was doing well on the heart and lung machine
11:15 things are going smoothly, the ventricle hole has been repaired
12:15 Robbie is off the heart lung machine and is stable; his heart is repaired;the next step is to close his chest
12:45 Surgery Complete! We spoke with Dr. Birch and the surgery went well. The only major challenge was inserting the IV since Robbie has small arteries.

1:15 Josh and I went and had lunch; both of us agree that we feel a bit numb and some food would be a good idea.
2:15 now we are waiting to see Robbie; he is in the PICU (Pediatric Intensive Care Unit)

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers!

2010-06-18T09:35:00.000-07:00

Off to the hospital . . . I felt like I was in some kind of dream. We loaded Robbie, the oxygen tank, the suitcase, and the red diaper bag into the beamer and traveled north toward Primary Children's. This was it; today was the day we had anticipated, prepared, and hibernated for - Robbie's open heart surgery.

We reached the hospital at 6:10 and then waited for the nurse to calls us back for Robbie's check-up. As I sat there I noticed a familiar face. Immediately I got up and learned it was someone my mom had taught at Valley Jr High and she had been in Miss Margene's dance class with me in my Junior high years. Crazy, huh? Who would have thought that years later we would meet at the surgery waiting room. This put my mind at ease a bit.

-Josh playing with Robbie while we are waiting for the nurse-

We met our surgeon,Dr. Birch. He is a younger cardiac surgeon who has dark hair, a serious expression, is articulate, and kind. Prior to our discussion we spoke with another couple who had a 9 month old; they highly recommended Dr. Birch. That is always nice to hear when you have never met the man before and you are basically turning your baby's life over to him. :)
Dr. Birch gave us the "Risks" discussion (which is not always the thing a parent wants to hear, but must be heard) and then went through the process of the surgery. It took me a minute to start speaking his cardiac language. Maybe it was due to 4 hours sleep, but all I could see was his mouth moving. It was as if reality was trying to spin its way into my brain, but instead of filling my comprehension, the space was void. I was determined to switch gears, and soon the words became clearer and my mind was able to wrap around his explanations.

Then came the anesthesiologist. Matt. I kept thinking about my brother-in-law, Joel sitting in front of us and giving us the "schpeal" (spl?). He became more personable when we told him we were neighbors of another Anesthesiologist he worked with. Isn't it amazing how a dynamic can change when you know someone? I felt Robbie was in good hands. A connection had been made.

During the exchange with the doctors Robbie sat propped up against Josh's chest. In both instances, Robbie began to smile and babble at each doctor midway through the discussion. It was as if he was evaluating them and then giving his approval. Perhaps one might call it pure incident, or happenstance, but I cannot help think that Robbie was making a deeper connection with these doctors.

Then came the most difficult part - saying goodbye. I cuddled and kissed him one last time before he went down the hallway. My little bundle, so calm and at ease. I think he was the one who was really soothing me.

-Robbie with his Anesthesiologist, Matt Clarke-
Let the surgery begin . . .

THE WAITING ROOM:

Surgery Day: Post 1

2010-06-18T04:13:00.000-07:00

12am Sleep

2am Woke up to feed Robbie through the feeding tube. This will be his last meal before surgery.

2:04am Josh returns home safely after a 14 hour commute from Vancouver. (Business trip)

3:00am Sleep

5:00am Alarm sounds for us to wake up and get ready to leave for PCMC

Pre-surgery

2010-06-17T22:21:00.000-07:00

So after exactly 6 months of waiting, Josh and I will be at the hospital at 6AM tomorrow for Robbie's open heart surgery. I almost can't believe we have made it to this point.

Today I took Robbie in for all of the presurgery stuff. I could not believe how easy it was to draw Robbie's blood with an IV team. Last time it took an hour and 6 pokes to get half the amount of blood. Yeah for an IV Team. Robbie also received a chest X-ray. The man helping us was very kind and simply held Robbbie when we were all finished. He told me his little grandson has Down syndrome, too.
Then I got to talk to the nurse practitioner who let us know more about Robbie's surgery. Our surgeon will be Dr. Birch; we will meet him tomorrow morning (bright and early may I add) When all was said and done, we were finished in two hours. That is a record for any cardiology thing. Anyway, we'll keep you posted.

Again thanks to everyone.

And to my children, I am sending lots of hugs and kissses. Mom and Dad love you!!

Midnight Thoughts

2010-06-15T22:16:00.001-07:00

I am afraid I cannot sleep tonight. Maybe it is the thunder, or maybe it is that my sweetheart has been out of town for four nights and will not get back for another two days, or maybe it is because all of the Suzuki pieces are swirling around in my mind after two straight days of Suzuki Institute. It could be that my almost 6 month old son is having open heart surgery in two days. I think it is so funny how our bodies can feel utterly exhausted and yet our minds can still be capable of running a marathon of thought.

I certainly have been deep in thought of late. Yes, the whole meaning of life and what on earth I am supposed to be doing to achieve it. One thing I know for sure, is that life is not complete without having people be a part of it, especially the people you are close to.

Since giving birth to a child who was diagnosed with congenital heart defect and Down syndrome, I have definitely begun to see life through differnt lenses. I find I am not as quick to judge; I realize that I may have been living my whole life thinking that accomplishments were everything. I feel like I was so clueless about seeing people simply for who they are. How is it that our sight gets blinded so quickly? It is like we are all stuck in our own little boxes and we cannot see beyond the edges. It has only taken me 29 years to start creeping (yes only creeping) outside my narrow box. (Thanks, Robbie.)

I do not know what the future holds. There are many things yet unknown, but as for now I will do what any of us would do - hold on and hope for the best.

Locks of Love

2010-06-12T22:23:00.000-07:00

About 2 months ago, my sister and I decided to donate our hair to Locks of Love. So Friday, we got together and . . .

. . .Wahlah!

Happy Birthday, Princess

2010-05-25T17:20:00.000-07:00

My little Princess turned four last Saturday.

Party with cousins.

My sister made this cake! Let's just say it was the highlight of the evening.

As you can see her birthday wish was butterfly wings.

When I asked Josh to get a pitcher of root beer, this is what he did - He took a picture.

Comic Relief

2010-04-25T21:07:00.000-07:00

After 2 weeks of major challenges I was so happy to get some comic relief! Tonight I was putting Jare-bear to bed when I heard a squeal of delight nearby. There on the floor sat my two-year-old posing for me in his new hat - a hat of white underwear.(Oh, how I wish I had had my camera!) The two sides were tucked on either side of his chin and it looked like a bonnet. Seeing our surprised faces made him giggle and show off even more.
"Hat, Mommy, hat!"
I laughed and let the many concerns of placing feeding tubes, four hour cardiology appointments, mountains of laundry, sleepless nights with a beeping pulse oximeter (you'd think they could at least make the beeping "D" in tune :), working with oxygen again, and balancing five children's needs, simply fall by the wayside.
Often Josh and I just look at each other and say. "We'll make it." And so we have!

The Earth Stands Still

2010-04-06T12:53:00.000-07:00

I lay on by back feeling your heart beat next to mine
Your skin is soft and smells so sweet
Your hair like velvet and gentle feet
Oh how I wish this moment would never slip away
I cherish the peace and love that is an innate part of you
May I remember this goodness when the world’s turned upside down
It is in these tender moments that the earth stands still
And the heavens seem to open in a way I never knew

A thought

2010-03-29T18:27:00.000-07:00

We are together, my child and I. Mother and child, yes, but sisters really, against whatever denies us all that we are.-Alice Walker

Never a Dull Moment

2010-02-27T22:15:00.000-08:00

Mom: Jarom,I really like your picture, it looks so nice.
Jarom: It's because the red is so beautiful. Don't you think so,
mom?

Our neighbor brought over some grilled talapia and Rachel had never seen the sear markings before. This was her response.
Dad: Rachel, can you eat your dinner?
Rachel: But Dad, I don't like the frosting on my fish!

Last Sunday Joshie and I were looking through the book Go Diego Go. Here's how it went.!

Mom: Joshie, can you find Papi in the picture? (His pudgy little finger points to Diego's Dad) Can you say Papi?
Joshua: (Shouting excitedly) POTTY

Adam: Mom why is your tummy still kind of big. (This is two months after
giving birth to Robbie.)

Surprise:
What are the chances that Aunt Brit just happens to come to my home to give my boys cello lessons and who happens to arrive at the same time - Joel and Heather and family from Pocatello! Brit and I laughed - only in the Gardner Family! We had a great reunion.

Spencer sitting so quietly in Brits lap while Jarom is getting a lesson.

The full production.

A visit from Caitie and Jeff. This visit included all the necessities of airplane rides, smoothies, cartwheels in the living room, silly dances, Bible trivia, knee balancing,etc.

Valentines Day

2010-02-13T14:24:00.000-08:00

Do you remember last year's Valentines? I remember it so well, because that is the night Adam broke his arm. :) Josh and I spent our romantic Valentines Dinner in the cafeteria at Primary Childrens Hospital while Adam received his surgery. That was quite an adeventure; not one I would like to relive.
Any way, I thought it would be fun to post some pics of the true love of my life.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

.

Happenings

2010-02-06T16:13:00.000-08:00

pink eye (Rachel, Joshua, Jarom, Mom)
stomach flu (3 times over, everyone except Adam)
colds, colds and more colds
2 ear infections (Rachel & Jarom)
Urinary tract infection(Robbie)
Soar throat (Adam)
Thrush (Melodie)
5 prescriptions

DECEMBER 19th - JANUARY = 15 DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS
FEBRUARY = 9 DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS

Including the following:

ROBBIE
2 cardiologist: Primary Childrens(a 4 hour ordeal each visit including EKG, ECG)
2 Nephrologist: U of U (Kidney Doctor)
1 Orthopedic Surgeon: Primary Childrens
2 Audiologist: U of U
3 DDI Vantage(Early Intervention Program for Robbie)
2 Primary Care Physician
1 Visit to Primary Children's Lab (blood work)
1 Geneticist: Primary Childrens (1 hour appt)
1 Ophthalmologist: Moran Eye Clinic - Eye lid specialist (90 min of waiting for a 7 min. appointment)

1 Instacare trip for pink eye and ear infection (Rachel)
1 postnatal (Melodie)
2 Pediatrician (Jarom)

Now I know why my house is a mess and laundry is not done.

5 sleepovers at Matt and Brits (Rachel)
1 sleepover at Grandma and Grandpa Larsen Jarom and Adam)
2 Overnighters at our house (Steve & Alina, Caitie and Jeff)
2 days of housecleaing (parents)
10 meals brought in from the ward
1 trip to the grocery store (Visiting Teacher) (tic tacs included)
5 inspired visits just to let us know we are in their thoughts,(including goodies, gifts, books, hugs, wisdom)
3 days of babysitting from the ward for Dr. Apts.
Numerous trips to preschool and back (Grandpa Larsen)
3 inspired phone calls
Several calls to Joel and Stan (it is so nice to have Dr. in the family)Cards and gifts
A loving husband who has been by my side

Now I know why my burdens feel light.

Bumpity Bump

2010-02-01T19:49:00.000-08:00

Joshua James turns 2!

2010-01-10T14:09:00.000-08:00

January 5th 2010: Happy Birthday, Joshie! Joshua is my little toe head, filled with spunk and a love for life.
Even when he could barely crawl he would scout out Jarom, go for the charge and tackle. If it is ever quiet, I know I'd better check on him. He tends to be very resourceful when he is on his own. Finding Joshua sitting in the bathroom sink so he can play in the water is not an uncommon thing. He was always quite the artist and made sure mom didn't miss his work. Drawing on our newly painted walls was sure to show off his artistic ability.
He was also my first to somehow escape the backyard and stand in the middle of the road for all to see. It was not until my neighbor came to my front door, that I knew my son had escaped. (I felt like the worst mom :).
Joshua is famous for his flapping arms. Whenever anything exciting happens he starts waving his arms like he is trying to fly. One morning Uncle Nathaniel came to visit and we were all flapping (wow I just typed falpping, maybe we should call it that!) our arms around the breakfast table. I'm sure we looked pretty ridiculous, but we could not stop laughing. It's good to be a kid once in a while. You should try this flapping arm thing. It really works. You'll feel better in no time.
Joshua also likes to do this little skip whenever he is walking toward something of interest. Many times it is food. This is accompanied by circling the arms with great vigor. This "Joshercising" is becoming pretty contagious.

So Whenever you feel Blue
You'll Know just what to Do -
Go ahead, Give it a try
It's called a Joshercize.
(I know it doesn't quiet rhyme, but that's about it for my creative juices)

I love you, Joshua Happy Birthday!

Robbie's Blessing

2010-01-10T12:38:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday we had the privilege of blessing Robbie in our home. Almost everyone was in town, so we felt this was the time to do it. It was a beautiful night. Joseph. the oldest Gardner Grandson also was ordained to the office of a deacon.
As I looked into the faces of every person there my heart swelled with gratitude for the wonderful family I have.

Things I will remember:
*My parents coming early, bringing everything for cold cuts, and making sure the food was ready
*Seeing Makenzie, Eliza, and Ivy, and Sarah so anxious to hold Robbie
*My dad's homemade Root Beer (made especially due to Rachel's request)
*Rachel had pink eye and had to stay in the back bedroom the entire time (Thanks Joel for all of your medical advice)
*Steve so willingly staying with Rachel and helping her build her Princess Puzzle so I could enjoy the blessing
*Feeding Joshua crackers so that he would stay quiet and happy (thanks Matt and Brit)
*Seeing Ben Miller (Josh's good friend and old business partner) walk in the door and simultaneously having a picture crash down from the wall during the service. :)
*Grandpa Gardner's beautiful closing prayer, which was more like a sermon, one I relish.
*Seeing the strength of each priesthood holder as they held Robbie for his blessing.
*Feeling the strength, power and support of this family
*Cousins playing
*All the help with clean up (Cristie, Lori, my parents, and everyone else - thankyou)
*Lori holding Robbie for the first time - seeing such love in her eyes
*Alina taking pictures
*Emmy eating with Rachel so she would not be alone
*Caitie changing Joshua's messy diaper just prior to the blessing, so I could take care of Robbie
*Brit coming even though she had a recital prior to the blessing
*Feeling the Spirit as Adam, Jarom, Makenzie, and Eliza played "Love is Spoken Here" accompanied by my mom.
*Paper Plates sent by Gammy. We somehow did not have all the paper plates we needed for the blessing. It turns out that Aunt Melie had been going through the home after Gammy's passing and saw bowls, cups, napkins, and paper plates set out on the table. The thought came to Melie that maybe Josh and Melodie needed those. (Amazing!)
*The warmth and spirit that lingered in our living room even after everyone had left

Every Breath

2010-01-07T16:02:00.000-08:00

Lately, with the events of Robbie's birth and Gammy's passing I have thought about how every breath is a gift.

When I was in labor with Robbie and suddenly saw the door burst open by nurses and doctors I became well aware that Robbie's life was in danger. Seeing the monitors show a huge plummet in his heart rate made my own heart emotionally drop. During this first occurrence it hardly seemed real. I did exactly what the doctors and nurses told me to do - change positions,use an oxygen mask,etc. When Robbie's heart rate plummeted three more times, I held strong to what I had - faith and hope. I realized that this was far beyond my control and I must depend on a much higher source, the source or Life.

I took deep breaths and listened to Elder Uchdorf's talk about hope in my mind. No, I didn't have the talk memorized, but I could hear his calming voice and the story he recounted about escaping the war zone in Germany. His mother had to leave a train to obtain food for her children and when she came back the train was gone along with her children. She did not give up hope and finally with great endeavor she found the missing train.

The third dip in Robbie's heart rate became a turning point for Josh and me. We evaluated the situation. I honestly didn't know what to do and prayed for an answer. The only thing that came to my mind was "Caitie, Caitie".
Josh called Caitie and she and Jeff came to the rescue. Prior to their arrival Robbie's heart took a fourth dip. I prayed earnestly that I would not have to have an emergency C-section, but if that would save Robbie's life, I would do it in a hearteat (no pun intended).

The nurse came in and Josh asked some questions. We learned that I had been 2 minutes away from an emergency C-section. I continued to hope. During all of this Josh would read e-mails from family and friends. This was of great strength to me and bolstered me during the difficult moments.

Everything turned around when Caitie came and did energy work. The nurse said this was the best she had ever seen the baby do all day. I actually even rested a little during the labor and felt a peace come over me. I focused on taking deep breaths and being in the moment.

Delivery was imminent. Seeing Robbie take his first gasps of air and hearing his dear cry was beyond description. Relief encompassed me. I could not give greater thanks for the prayers that aided Robbie's safe arrival.

A week and a half later, Josh's Grandmother, known as Gammy, took her last breath. Since then I reflected again and again on the precious gift of life and how I have so easily gotten distracted from its true meaning. Cristie (Josh's mom) reminded me of a great quote:

C.S. Lewis on Man's Godly Potential

"It is a serious thing," says Lewis, "to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no 'ordinary' people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations -- these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit -- immortal horrors or everlasting splendours. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously -- no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be a real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner -- no mere tolerance or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment."

--C. S. Lewis, From The Weight of Glory. C.S. Lewis on Man's Godly Potential

Gammy may have not been known by great kings and rulers of the world, yet her influence is infinite. Her legacy has been passed on for three generations and it will continue to expand into the eternities. How remarkable.

Our very Being holds infinite potential. Just think how wonderful this world would be if we could help each other unlock the greatness from within.

Every breath is a gift.

For unto us a child is born

2009-12-25T15:50:00.000-08:00

As we sit and hold little Robbie in my arms my thoughts turn to his birth. How grateful we are that our son is here at last after many prayers. On this Christmas day we reflect upon the birth of our Savior and think of His great mission and how we too are faced with our own missions in life.

Robert Andrew Gardner was born December 18th at 10:58pm. He weighed 7 lbs. 9 oz. and was a little over 20 inches tall. We are so happy to have him here safe and sound for Christmas! As some of you know, the pregnancy was full of surprises.

The delivery was fraught with peril as Robbie's heart rate dropped to emergency levels four separate times during labor. We were less than two minutes from emergency C-section on more than one of those occasions. The doctors were great to work with for the most part and we put our confidence in their abilities and in the hand of the Lord that things would work out for the best.

At our first ultrasound the doctors found that the right kidney was smaller than the left and they also wanted a closer look at the heart. At the next ultrasound Robbie was diagnosed with atrio-ventricular septal defect (AVSD), which is basically a big hole between the left and right chambers of the heart and some of the valves are also missing. The smaller kidney wasn't really a concern at that point since the focus was on the heart.

We learned Robbie would require surgery to fix the AVSD. Under ideal conditions the surgery would take place after 3-6 months of age. This would allow for him to recover better from the surgery and also make his heart larger. It will be open heart surgery, but there is an 85% chance of it working on the first try, and the risk of death is very small with this type of surgery. Fortunately, he was born healthy enough that this seems to be the timeline we are on.

With AVSD we were told there is a high probability of having Down syndrome. Down syndrome (correctly spoken as "Down syndrome" rather than "Down's syndrome" or "Down's") usually takes place when an individual has an extra 21st chromosome. This likelihood was overwhelming for us. Now that he is here it has been confirmed he has Down syndrome.

Other medical conditions will require attention. The heart defect can cause pulmonary hypertension as too much blood goes to the lungs. In a normal heart each side has different pressures which controls the flow to different parts of the body. Two of his fingers didn't fully separate on his right hand, a condition called syndactoly (sp?). His eyelids will need some attention as they do not naturally close completely, making it so we are constantly lubricating his eyes to keep them from drying out. At birth they found he only has one kidney. And his ears did not pass the hearing test the first time (needs to be retested before anything conclusive is known).

Other than that, he's perfectly healthy. We have the perfect new addition to our family and we wouldn't want him any other way. The way we see it, only a few of the thousands of body parts aren't quite functioning up to par for life. And the issues with health that he has can for the most part be fixed.

We should address the issue of Down syndrome. Before Robbie came to our family, both Melodie and I had the idea that we should feel sorry for families who have to deal with a family member with Down syndrome. Our perspective has completely shifted with this new baby. Down syndrome means that Robbie will be doing things differently and at different rates than other children. What seems so ironic is that doing things differently and at different rates than others is the one thing we all have in common.

We know Robbie is a child of our Heavenly Father, created in His image. It has been confirmed to us there is divine purpose to him being born with the challenges he has. He is an individual with as much potential as any of God's children. He is an incredibly calming influence on those around him. And his life has brought a greater depth of understanding of Christ's atonement for us. He will learn and grow, succeed and fail, struggle and excel. Our responsibility is to give him the opportunities he needs to reach his true potential and fulfill his mission on the earth. We just need to make sure we don't get in the way of his true expression of life.

So we will take things one day at a time. We do not know what the future has in store for us or for our children. For now we are enjoying every precious moment we have with each of our children and each other. We value our relationships so much more after the prospect of losing one of our family was there.

We also take this opportunity to thank everyone who has helped and will help us through the challenge of a newborn baby. The thoughts, prayers, meals, notes, cards, presents, advice, love, and concern are overwhelming to us. We know we have been blessed with the best of friends, family, and neighbors to help us through the challenges of parenting 5 children ages 6 and younger.

Thanksgiving at Joel and Heathers

2009-12-12T12:47:00.000-08:00

Yes. The Gardners do know how to party. Celebrating Thanksgiving in Pocatello was a blast. My kids still ask when we are going to go back to Joel and Heather's house. I think the greatest thing was just being all together especially eating our feast in Joel and Heather's living room. I'm amazed we all fit.

Other highlights included playing games in the basement, the gym, getting our family picture, sitting around and talking until the late night hours, and eating lots of delicious food. What a great weekend.

Halloween

2009-12-12T12:01:00.000-08:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

GO SPIDERMAN. We had a big neighborhood Halloween Party at the Canyon Rim Park. The crazy thing was that it started to snow - alot! We waited under a tree until the snow stopped momentarily.

MY LITTLE PRINCESS. Thanks to Aunt Heather and Cousin Camryn we had plenty of dresses to make a Princess Costume.

Party at Canyon Rim Park.

MY LITTLE PUMPKIN. Jarom wanted to be a pumpkin for the 2nd year in a row.

Joshua was 2 different things for Halloween. His Tigger costume was too small, so we settled on rabbit ears for Trick-or-treating. He made it for about 5 houses and then was done for the night. Watching Pooh Bear with Aunt Diane was much more exciting.

Justice, Mercy, and a Shopping Cart

2009-09-27T20:23:00.000-07:00

So the other day, I decided to be super mom and go shopping with the three little ones. I was optimistic about the experience, but I must say it turned out very different than I expected.

About mid-way through the excursion, the kids were saying they were hungry. No problem, I thought. We'll just open this new bag of Fruit Loops and that should last until we get home. Well, that worked for a few minutes, but then Joshua was feeling pretty done with the "car" he was driving. I hoisted him on my hip and continued shopping. Next came the untimely, "Mom, I've got to go to the bathroom. We were currently in the very back of the store, and the bathrooms were conveniently at the very front of the store.

"We're almost done. Can you wait a few minutes? "
"Yes," Rachel said.

So we finished the last minute shopping. Jarom and Rachel dutifully helped unload the cart at the check stand. It was quite a heap of groceries. One woman took note of the circumstance and kindly handed me a juice form the cart and then quickly moved to a shorter line. Now Jarom had to go to the bathroom and Joshua was trying to steer the gigantic car cart around.

"Phew!" We made it through the check stand now it was potty time. Now Rachel would not go to the potty. Jarom did, but Joshua was crying because he wanted to wander in the bathroom and explore the stalls and I wasn't so big on the idea. So now, off to the car, with a crying one year old, a three year old that has to go to the bathroom, and a four year old trying to help out the best he can.

"Everyone hold on to Mom." I felt like Emma Smith crossing the freezing river with her children clutched to her side, only we were simply crossing the parking lot to find our car.
I was relieved when we made it! Joshua was still not very happy, (screaming) so I figured I could put him in the car and turn on a movie while I unloaded the groceries. There was one challenge. We were parked on a hill. Not wanting the cart to go any where, I parked it on a diagonal into our van. I turned around and put Joshua in his seat.

"BANG"

My heart sunk.. That can't be the shopping cart can it? Sure enough! Somehow it had lost its angle and went crashing into a car. I ran after the shopping cart to inspect the car it had hit. Inside the car sat an elderly woman who did not look very happy. I felt absolutely terrible! I asked her if she wouldn't mind coming out and seeing if the cart had done any damage to her car. She got out of her car and came around to the passenger side. I could see the stern lines in her face.

"Where did it hit?"
I showed her the area.
There was a small area where the paint had come off. She felt the spot with her hand.

Then a complete change came over her. Her face softened a bit and she looked at me. (I must have looked desperate.)
"I think I've got some paint at home that can fix this."

"Do you want me to pay for the damage?" I tried to ask holding back the tears stinging my eyes.

"I just wanted to make sure the car was not dented, I can fix this with a little paint. Besides . . ."
She narrowed her eyes and examined me from head to toe.

"You've got problems of your own."

I was taught a great lesson that day. I felt so grateful for the woman's compassion and mercy. There was no doubt that I had injured her car with no intention, and yet the mark was there. It needed to be fixed. But, I had already done all I could that day. I felt that all my efforts would not measure up; I had no emotional strength to give. Yet, the demands still needed to be met. This kind woman showed mercy to me, for she knew I was giving my all. She was willing to take on the responsibility to fix her car even though I had done the damage.

I hopped in the van, now letting the tears flow. Realizing how this was like Christ's Atonement. That even when we feel we don't measure up, and have given all we can, He will make up the difference. His marks show of His great love for us. Justice and Mercy can be met through Christ because He paid the price. He loves us beyond measure and that is why He suffered all things for us.

A bit of heaven on earth

2009-08-03T21:59:00.000-07:00

So I have to say that even though there are numerous challenges to parenting, I love being able to just snuggle or hold my children close. Tonight Joshua just nestled into my arms as we sang songs for bedtime. He was so still (which is a rare thing for this little boy of energy) and occasionally joined in with the singing. I stroked his soft skin and just savored the moment of simply being - being ourselves, being together, being apart of a greater Good that is always there. I didn't have to be anywhere or do anything, and the peace this brought me was wonderful. At times I think there is so much more my children can teach me if I would just slow down and really listen - not just to their words, but their expressions and their Spirit.

Life is beautiful.

Update on the move

2009-07-17T20:47:00.000-07:00

We are moving the weekend of August 15th to the Millcreek Area in Salt Lake. My Aunt Dona and Uncle Elbert have a home there and would like to sell it to us. It is in a beautiful area and we will gain more space (which we welcome since our 5th baby is due in December.) It is an older home, so there are plenty of "projects" to be done, but we are really excited. The great news is, we will continue our get-togethers with family and friends and may even have a little more room to spare. If any of you want to join in on our "painting party" we'd love to have you. There is not an exact time yet, but will most likely be next weekend.

I have to say that from the very beginning we have felt Divine guidance. It is so comforting to know that you can know if you are on the right track and even if things don't go as planned, it works out in the end, often better than what you could have imagined.

Zucchini Bread

2009-07-13T20:47:00.000-07:00

So I had the funnest afternoon! After Joshua and Rachel went down for naps, Adam, Jarom, and I made Zucchini Bread. We had a blast. Who would of thought that this would be the sole entertainment of the day! The kitchen certainly had our signature on it, but the mess was well worth the memory.

So it has been a while . . .

2009-07-09T20:40:00.000-07:00

Wow! I feel like it has been a whirlwind of a summer. I guess the most exciting news is that we are moving! Today we got on offer on our home for the price we asked for. That is amazing to me. The family that would like to buy our home has three young children. Josh saw then briefly when he was leaving and they were coming to look at our house. I have a feeling that this offer will stay.

Stan Gardner Family Reunion in Nauvoo:

We made some wonderful memories. I have to say that for me the highlight was Alina's baptism. I loved being all together for such a beautiful experience. It was definitely a glimpse of heaven on earth.

Here are some other memories I have of Nauvoo:

~Staying up past 3:00AM to welcome Elder Nathanial Gardner back "home" We were all running off the 2:30am pizza calories.
~Watching the kids splash happily in the mud pool with no cares of bugs, dirt, or grime.
~Seeing the kids watch Sister Emilie Gardner with great anticipation in the Anna Amanda Show
~Carthage: When we watched the movie in the visitor center Adam decided to sit in the very front. Then at one point I saw him get up and move toward me, "Why did they not like the Mormons, Mom?" His voice portrayed great concern. I'm sure my answer did not suffice, but I realized how much this five year old was absorbing and maybe all those hours of traveling were really worth it.
~Driving throughout the night so the kids would not have to endure another day of driving. They were good, but 10 times through Blue's Clues can make anyone tired of being in the car.
~Nachos, Fajitas, Shakes - we ate very well.

Some fun pictures

2009-06-07T21:42:00.000-07:00

We went to Hogle Zoo on one of my days off. Grandma and Grandpa Larsen bought the grandkids package so we get to go to the Zoo alot this year. This metal Hippo was the hit of the Zoo.

Alina with the boys after Emilie was set apart. You can tell they adore her.

CHOO! CHOO! Caite and the kids!

Aliya got to visit us for a few minutes and Rachel wanted to hold her the whole time.

Motherhood

2009-04-30T21:05:00.000-07:00

"Motherhood brings as much joy as ever, but it still brings boredom, exhaustion, and sorrow too. Nothing else will ever make you as happy or as sad, as proud or as tired, for nothing is quite as hard as helping a person develop his own individuality especailly while you struggle to keep your own."

Marguerite Kelly and Elea Parseons

Family Fun

2009-04-23T12:48:00.001-07:00

You know the saying "April showers bring May flowers." Well, April has definitely showered us with some fun experiences. Here are just a few fun things the Gardners have been doing:

EASTER:

We celebrated our festivities the Friday before Easter. This included an Easter egg hunt, an Easter Lesson, dipping chocolates (a tradition my Grandma Ensign started), a yummy dinner at Aunt Corine's, and of course dying Easter eggs. Any guesses how many Easter eggs seven children can color in 20 minutes? 10 Dozen! And that still wasn't enough. Next year we'll plan on at least 15 dozen. Needless to say we had an EGGstraordinary Day!

On Easter we enjoyed a ham dinner at the Larsens, along with the company of Cristie, Emilie, Caitie and Jeff. The weather was absolutely perfect, so we enjoyed some leisure time in the backyard. It was a wonderful Easter.

A GUEST FROM CHINA:

Last Wednesday we welcomed Alina (Steve's "more than just a friend") from China. The kids have thoroughly enjoyed learning a few Chinese words as well as asking Alina a few questions. The first night Alina arrived in America Jarom went up to her and asked. "Alina, do you know what a Geyser is?" That was only the beginning of many more random questions my children would ask. They absolutely adore her. In fact, one day Adam was finishing up his cello practice when he learned Alina may be heading to Provo. His lip began to quiver and then it all came out. He cried and cried. Thanks to Cristie, plans changed and Adam was able to finish cello and play with Alina. (Above is a picture of Alina trying waffles for the first time. She liked them!)

CONFERENCE WEEKEND:

The traditional Gardner get together at our house was a blast at conference time. We ate too much, played too much, and stayed up waaaaaaay too late. It's a good thing we don't have the 8 o'clock curfue we had as kids! Dave, Lori, and kids, as well as Caitie, Jeff, Emilie, Matt, and Brit all participated in the festivities.

A WEDDING:

My cousin, Megan, got married On Saturday the 18th. (Those of you who ran the 5K that day way to go!) Because it was held in a church all the kids got to come. Adam, Jarom, Makenzie, and Eliza all got to join us in a rendition of Canon in D as the bride walked down the aisle. Although, playing the music was pretty fun, throwing petals and catching bubbles was definitely the highlight of the afternoon.

CHRISTMAS IN APRIL:

We also decided on one of Joshua's Christmas presents. Although the present may be a few days early or a few days late, we're sure our new little one will come on the right date.

Isn't it Interesting . . .

2009-04-06T20:53:00.000-07:00

How in the moment finger prints on the mirrors or spilled milk seems almost devastating and yet, after the children have gone to bed, it isn’t so difficult any more. In fact, you look at these things and just smile.

How children so easily forgive others

How children can travel the world in a laundry basket

How a box can be so much more interesting to a one-year-old than the toy itself

How impeccable the timing is of a blowout diaper ie. just before it is time to leave the house, right after you’ve gotten them dressed, when they are wearing a brand new outfit, in the middle of church

How children love to spend time exploring bugs and rocks, and we tend to spend time rushing from one place to another oblivious to the beauties and miracles around us

How the greatest gifts are created through paper, crayons, scissors, and a lot of love.

How children will wave and smile to someone they don’t even know

How children are blatantly honest

How children dread naptime and adults long for a nap

How a good night’s sleep becomes much more appreciated after having children

How children see things for what they really are, and we tend to mask Truth because of our own pride, fear, or lack of understanding

How a laugh or smile from a baby can bring the greatest joy to our hearts

How children become our hardest but best teachers on life

Sweet Little Ones

2009-03-19T21:41:00.000-07:00

Cleaning and scrubbing

can wait for tomorrow

For babies grow up,

we've learned to our sorrow . . .

So quiet down cobwebs

Dust go to sleep . . .

I'm rocking my baby

and babies don't keep.

~Ruth Hamilton (1958)

Happy St. Patricks Day!

2009-03-17T20:41:00.000-07:00

It was a good day. We had green waffles for breakfast. (I couldn't help, but recite Dr. Seuss's Green Eggs and Ham.) Adam continued to ask me if people would really pinch him if he didn't wear green. It was the funniest thing because he was taking it so seriously. Jarom just thought it was great we all got to wear green. They would say things like,
"Mom, look at my glass! It doesn't have to get pinched because it's wearing green."
By the end of the day they were well acquainted with the wearin' o' the green.

Other great, completely unrelated news. Adam got his pins out one week ago. This was a total surprise to me. His new bone is growing well and he is out of a cast.

Well, I hope you all had a great St. Patrick's Day. Here's a little poem for you all!

For each petal on the shamrock
This brings a wish your way -
Good health, good luck, and happiness
For today and every day.
~Author Unknown

A Night in the LIfe of Motherhood

2009-03-05T21:14:00.000-08:00

8:30pm: The kids are now sound asleep.

8:30-11:30pm: This is the time to finish up projects and discuss the day with my husband.

11:30pm: My mind is still going 100 miles per hour (students, childrearing, etc.) so it takes a while to fall asleep.

1:00am: I hear footsteps and then my five year old says,
“Mom, I am scared.”
Half asleep I grab a pillow and a blanket and put it down by my bed. I notice Josh stirring, he was awake, too. My mind begins to think again.

2:00am: At last I fall asleep

4:00am: I hear a cry from Joshua. It gets louder and louder. He is teething. Finally I go in and check on him. I nurse and cuddle with him for a few minutes and then he is back asleep. (relief)

4:30am: I am just about to sleep when I hear another set of footsteps. Now it is my four year old. “Mom I spit up in Adam’s bed.” I smell throw-up on his breath. He crawls into our bed.
“I think I am sick, Mom.” He falls asleep almost as soon as his head touches my pillow. I get up and then decide that I don’t quite have it in me to clean up the mess on the bed downstairs. Realizing that sleep was going to be my best friend, carefully I transfer Jarom to the floor with a pillow and a blanket. I smile as I see my two sleeping boys, toe to toe, sleeping soundly.

5:00am: Back to sleep. ( I actually start dreaming about Della taking violin lessons with Mrs Moench. The only problem is, she doesn't even have a violin. The only way Della can practice is to hold her arms up in the air and simply pretend she is playing her Twinkles. I am bound and determined to find her a violin and so my quest for Della's violin begins, but . . .)

6:30 Here comes another set of footsteps. Now it is my two-year-old.
“Dad, I want some cerweal.”
Josh responds, “Go get a spoon and a bowl.” (He is still recovering from the flu.)
Five minutes later, “Dad I got my spoon and bowl,” she say holding them in her hands.
“Just wait a few minutes.” Josh responds and I just roll over.

She leaves for a minute and then comes back.
“Mom, I went potty in the toilet. (Thank goodness!)
“Good, Job! I respond. Then I notice she is only half dressed. “Go get dressed.”
“Ok, Mom.” Rachel heads down the stairs and then I hear a gasp.
“Mom, I see a spider! Come get the spider. I can’t get dressed.”

“It will be all right,” I respond, hoping to get a few more minutes of sleep.

“Dad, come get the spider.”
Josh then takes a turn, “Spiders won’t hurt you – most spiders are nice.”

7:15am: I hear a cry from Joshua’s room. I think this is my cue that the morning has officially begun! Time to cleanup the throw-up.

Now I can look back and laugh, since last night I got a full night’s rest.

Cast Party

2009-03-02T19:16:00.000-08:00

Adam now has his "BYU blue" cast on. He can move his arm a lot more, because it does not have to be in a sling. (Yeah!) He is determined to not let this broken arm get in the way of his goals. Saturday Adam participated in Piano Federation where he figured out a way to play the single line melody with the right hand only. He also went to dance today and had everyone in his class (all girls) sign his cast.

Adam gets to go back to the hospital a week from Tuesday and he will have his pins removed.

It is amazing what great blessings have come from this experience. My heart has been filled with gratitude as I learn about all the help Adam has been given where Josh and I could not. Here is where I count my blessings:

1) Wonderful doctors and nurses who have the expertise to know how to help:

When Adam had to get an IV at the hospital his was quite adament. I was amazed how the nurse so easily worked with Adam explaining how everything worked and why it was important. Once Adam understood completely he became "brave" and "did not cry", as he puts it.

2) Help from school classmates and friends:

I went to pick up Adam from school and arrived a little early. Inside the classroom I saw Adam's friend Gage, getting all of Adam's papers for him and helping him with his backpack.

Each day of class Adam gets a new friend to help him cut out his art projects.

I spoke with the teacher, Mrs. Richards and she said she was amazed how Adam's class just pulled together and was anxious to help.

3) Help from family:

Adam had no doubt who was rooting for him. Here are just a few things he received:

-A card and money from Gammy and Grandpa.

-A family home evening visit from Aunt Brit, Uncle Matt, and family (Kit-Kat included)

-Daily visits from Grandma and Grandpa Larsen

-Princess coloring pages from Makenzie, Eliza, and Ivy

-Emails, notes, or phone calls from Grace, Lori, Gammy, Joel, Caitie, Emilie,

-Babysitting

-A visit from Aunt Diane along with treats, books, and a favorite show, "The Backyardigans"

The list goes on!

4) Power in the Priesthood:

Adam was given a blessing by Josh and our home teacher, Alan. Peace filled my heart as I realized all would be well.

5) Help from Jarom and Rachel:

I'll never forget Rachel as she looked at Adam with his cast. "I am sowry that you have a huwrt awrm, Adam."

Jarom has cleared Adam's place numerous times and helped me do extra things like laundry and dishes.

Just the other day I was sitting at the table and I saw Jarom open the dish washer and start puting away the clean dishes. " I'm going to do ALL the dishes for you, Mom." And so he did.

Valentine's Day Break

2009-02-15T13:49:00.000-08:00

This is Adam's arm as of 6:05pm last night. Melodie and I had just left for our Valentine's dinner at Marie Calendars (we were less than a mile away) when we got a call from Emilie saying they thought Adam had broken his arm. This x-ray is of Adam's elbow with the humorous (upper arm) bone broken just above the elbow. The very small bone on the top of the joint and the larger bone going up to the right are supposed to be the same bone. They said it is a 100% break, definitely requiring surgery. He had jumped off the downstairs couch and his feet slipped out from under him. He tried to catch himself as he fell and CRACK!

Here is Adam on 2 milligrams of morphine at Primary Children's Hospital. His left arm is the broken one and his right hand has the IV. There was another family in the emergency room with a small baby that came in right before us. Adam said he was glad he had broken his arm and not the baby, since the baby wasn't as big as he is. What a guy! He shows maturity well beyond his age.

It is interesting to know what goes on in the mind of a child. For us, the questions came up about school, costs of care, rehab, etc. For him, he said to Melodie on the way to the hospital, "I'm sorry, I don't think I'll be able to help pick up toys this week." He was also sad because he thought he wouldn't be able to do his schoolwork. Of course, cello graduation will be a challenge this coming weekend. I'm sure he'll figure out a way to participate.

At times like these we pause to reflect on the plethora of blessings we enjoy ("plethora" usage sponsored by The Three Amigos). For starters, so many people have offered their help. Fortunately Emilie and Caitie had already made plans to spend the night and watch the kids during the broadcast. They were the first ones Adam wanted to see when he woke up because he hadn't had a chance to play with them. Our home teacher came over to assist in giving a Priesthood blessing. Matt and Brit took Rachel for the day. The list goes on and on.

I also appreciate the professionalism and expertise the staff at the hospital had. For people who see this stuff day in and day out, they sure made us feel like we were their most important patients. I was thankful to know I could talk to Joel about any of the procedures if I needed his opinion. Dave called to see how everyone was doing, and Gammy called to wish Adam well. We are overwhelmed by all the support.

Finally, we realized all over again how precious these children are. Watching Adam go through the pain he had is one of the hardest things we've had to do. Melodie and I both wished we could take the pain on ourselves so he wouldn't have to suffer so much. There seems to be some underlying eternal principles in all of this.

While it didn't turn out exactly as planned, we did get the Valentine's Day break we had looked forward to. We just didn't expect it to be in Adam's arm!

Jarom's 4th Birthday

2009-02-10T20:12:00.000-08:00

Today we celebrated Jarom's 4th birthday. He has been looking forward to this day for quite some time. (Just ask Brit, Jarom was always saying "I'm going to be four on my next birthday" right in the middle of cello lessons.)

It was a fun day! Both Gammy and Emilie called to wish him Happy Birthday. And Aunt Brit and Uncle Matt posted the HAPPY BIRTHDAY sign in Brit's studio so that Jarom would have a nice surprise when he arrived for cello lessons. He was so excited, it took all the concentration he had to make it through the Twinkles on cello.

The other day I was parking the van in the garage, I heard Jarom's voice from the back seat.
JAROM: Mom, I know what I want for my birthday?
MOM: What's that?
JAROM: Some boots so I can run around in the snow.

That was a request I could easily fulfill. So Jarom did get some boots along with a big, red bouncy ball (the kind you can ride - who knows the real name?) from the Harts and a big semi truck filled with cars form Grandma and Grandpa. One of the highlights was the tool box made by Adam and Grandpa Larsen. Grandpa and Adam spent many Wednesday afternoons making this box for Jarom. Adam would always light up when he talked about "Jarom's surprise"!

On Sunday we had a celebration with the Larsen's and the Harts. Corine made some fancy cakes of a Lady Bug and the Little Mermaid (it is Ivy Hart's second birthday this week also). Jarom requested a snowman cake so we had that too. I think he had more fun making it than he did eating it. Aren't birthdays great?

Jarom has been a wonderful addition to our family. He is a clever thinker and has taken an interest in reading this year. I've never seen anyone more excited about letters. He rushes home from preschool to show me the letter stamp he received from Miss Margene. He loves to take care of Joshua and always gives me big hugs (hence his nickname from Great Aunt Diane "Jear-Bear" has stuck with him). Happy Birthday Jarom!

An evening in Logan

2009-02-02T21:42:00.000-08:00

On Saurday, after a nine hour day of teaching, I was sooo looking forward to a trip to Logan. Dave was giving a concert at the Fine Arts Center under the direction of Craig Jessop. The initial plan was to have Josh go and I would stay at Dave and Lori's house with the kids. Well, Dave and Lori are so generous and arranged everything so that I could go, too. (They are always so hospitable!)
I am so glad I went; it was a wonderful concert. The theme of the concert was centred around the life and influence of Abraham Lincoln. (I feel like Abe and I have a special bond since we share the same birthday :). I also loved seeing Craig Jessop on the stand. The funny thing was, there were some members of the OTS which had been hired to play in the orchestra. Josh and I felt right at home. After the concert we went up to say hi to Meredith Campbell when I felt Lori tap my shoulder. Here came Craig Jessop. I extended my hand and he shook it with eagerness. He is such a personable man. Craig asked Josh and I how we were doing and commented that Josh still had his "halo". It was such a wonderful evening.

The kids had a great time, too. I got to sit by Joseph at the concert while the other kids played nonstop in the basement. "We should do this more often," Josh commented since we all had a great time. After being introduced to the pet rats, eating 3 bowls (yes 3) of butterfinger ice-cream, and looking at some photo books we decided we'd better go. We returned home at 12:30am with four sleeping kids and two happy parents.

A surprise for Mom

2009-01-30T07:36:00.001-08:00

So the other day. I heard Jarom from downstairs calling to me.
"I''ll be there in just a minute," I said.

I went downstairs and was greeted with a thunderous "SURPRISE!"
Jarom (age 3) and Rachel (age 2) had unloaded the dryer, put the clothes from the washer to the dryer, and even topped it off with the fabric softener. I was astonished.

-=[]-]=]=-==]--]]]]]]]]]=\

2009-01-14T22:02:00.000-08:00

A new day. Nothing too exciting has happened this week but, I will share a few random things.

Mom: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Jarom: (Looking at me kind of puzzled) I just want to be myself

Jarom: Mom! Come look!
I rushed to the bathroom to see what he needed. There sat Jarom on the bathroom tile with two of Rachel's small, circular rubber bands placed a few spaces beneath each other.
Mom: What is it?
Jarom: It's an A and G.

I looked at it again and realized he had imagined his own musical staff.

A few vocabulary words that have been added to the Gardner language:
hanitizer: every time the kids go to Aunt Brit's they put on their "hanitizer"
attackling: originated from the trip to Las Vegas when Catie was tickling Adam and Jacob."Stop, attackling, me!"
Showuhh: Rachel's word for Shower

Joshua's First Birthday

2009-01-05T20:36:00.000-08:00

Today we celebrated little Joshua James' first birthday. He has been such a joy. He walks across the room with his arms flapping and mouth wide open with excitement. It's as if he is getting ready to fly. Joshua also enjoys carrying toys around which tend to be almost as big as he is. Joshua is the most active of my children. If there is any kind of stool or box or dresser, he is climbing up it. He enjoys tackling with big hugs and always tries to be involved in the music practicing that goes on at our house. ie grabbing Jarom's bow in the middle of his song, standing on Adam's cello chair and dancing while Adam is playing, trying to pluck as many notes on Rachel's violin before she realizes that he's got it, and "singing" along as they practice.

We celebrated part of his birthday yesterday at my parent's house with a delicious ham (Joshua's favorite) dinner. My sister Corine made a football cake that everyone thoroughly enjoyed. Although he didn't quite understand the whole blowing out he candle thing, he had plenty of cousins and siblings to help. Joshua did enjoy his first bite of vanilla icecream as well as the toy phone from great Aunt Diane and train from Grandma and Grandpa.

This morning we celebrated with a birthday breakfast of eggs, bacon and pancakes. The highlight was blowing out the candle in Joshua's pancake. Joshua just watched bewildered as Adam, Jarom, and Rachel, surrounded his little plate and blew with all their might on almost count three.

Adam (age five) made it a point to decorate the house for Joshua. He meticulously gathered the things he would need: crepe paper, the APPY BIRTHDAY sign (I have know idea where the "H" went), scissors, tape. and his assistants, Jarom and Rachel. It was quite the ordeal. Much of it went something like this.

Adam: "Jarom, I need you to hold right here so I can cut it. I don't want to cut your hand off."

Jarom with an Eeyore tone: "Okay, Adam."

Rachel: "Ahhhh! I want to HELP!"

Dinner was Joshua's highlight. (You can tell this boy really likes food.) I made the gourmet dinner of Ramen Noodles and canned green beans. Joshua could not slick up the noodles fast enough by the handfuls. Josh and I laughed. I was very glad that I had decided against the lasagna idea. Haven't you noticed that it is the simple things children enjoy the most?

A Christmas Gift

2009-01-03T10:59:00.000-08:00

It is a brand new year - 2009. Isn't that refreshing? I think about all the wonderful things this year will hold. All the possibilities that are out there just waiting to be acted upon. I love the New Year.

We all had a wonderful Christmas and New Years Day. It was so fun to see Adam and Jarom really look forward to Christmas this year. Christmas Eve proved to be the highlight of my Christmas. We made it a point to stay home and focus on the "true" meaning of Christmas - Christ.

We sat down as a family and watched "Joy to the World". You can probably imagine four excited children age 5 and under not wanting to sit still the night before Christmas. Adam and Jarom were jumping from one couch cushion to another. Rachel sat on my lap a little disturbed that her brothers were jumping all over her blanket. Joshua (12 months) tried with all his might to get the remote control and then finally succeeded, pushing the power button on the DVD player so we could listen to the nice blast on the TV. Then to add to it, our Clear Play was not on the Religious Function, so almost every other line was muted.

Then, to my surprise, Jarom snuggled by me with his little arm linked in mine. He began to watch the movie. The Christus appeared on the screen and Jarom noticed Christ's outstretched arms. He looked at me and asked,"Mom. is Jesus loving us?"

Joy filled my heart for the beautiful way he had seen Christ. "Yes, Jarom. He is loving us."

Since then I have thought about this question. In this case, loving is a verb, an action; it is not something of the past, but rather the present. Indeed, Christ stands with open arms loving us, waiting for us to bask in it!

When I told this story to Nathaniel, he said that Koreans speak the same way. Rather than saying, "I love you." They say, "I am loving you."

I find it amazing how much a three year old can teach me. What a precious Christmas gift.

The Cruise: Mexico, Riviera

2008-12-09T22:26:00.000-08:00

Last Christmas we were surprised to receive a remarakable gift from my (Melodie's) parents. It was an invitation to celebrate my parent's retirement on a cruise.

Often before the kids go to bed Adam and Jarom will beg for a cruise story. So I thought I would share one with you.

On Tuesday Oct. 21, 2008 we arrived in Cabo San Lucas. We were eating an all-you-can-eat breakfast when we saw parasailing over the ocean.

"Wow! That looks fun!" I said to Josh.

"Well, maybe we can go."

So after lunch we packed up our things and exited the Oosterdam, our gigantic cruise ship. This was my first time in Mexico. What a site! I must say

I was very glad Josh spoke Spanish. I definitley felt like the minority. We got a few comments about our white (extremely white) skin, but I didn't mind. Right when we stepped off the Oosderdam we were bombarded by vendors. After about the fifth Vendor a picture caught our eye. It was parasailing! So, off we went to catch a water taxi. We waited and waited. I was begining to feel a little ancy and wondered if we had been too trusting. After about fifteen minutes the boat arrived. I was relieved.

"You can pay me now." Said the vendor. Josh gave him cash and off we went. The more we thought about it the more we wondered if we had paid the wrong person. We started to wonder, but you can all breathe a sigh of relief and know that we got a good deal.

So off we went sailing over the blue Mexican waters. The ocean was sparkling below. Josh and I got to ride Tandem (at the same time). Once we got into the air all the hustle and bustle below seemed to dissipate. The landscape was gorgeous. In a way it was like looking down from heaven. Even though we didn't see any exotic animals, we enjoyed being "on top of the world".

As we were reeled into the boat, our toes dipped into the water. That was my favorite part. We spent the next few hours on the beach and then boarded the ship. What a great day. The only thing I missed were my children!

First Post

2008-08-04T20:36:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone...we're trying out the blog thing. We'll see how it goes. Ready or not...here we come!